written by Debbie Naylor Cox
©June 2013
This is just an introduction to say "Hello" and let you know a little about what I intend to blog about here. I will be writing about my past experiences, mostly what I've learned from them. And I will write about my present journey as I continue to heal and learn to thrive in my new life. My hope is that some of you reading will be able to relate to some of the things I blog about so that it may help you along your own personal journey. I hope to be posting here about once a week but we will see as progress moves along. Right now this is all new to me so please have patience with me.
As of current date I am 2 years living abuse free, YAY ME! It has not been an easy journey but, a well worth travel so far. I could sit here and tell you I wish I had never traveled the road that I did, but quite honestly, that would be a lie. You see as hard as it may be for you to fathom, I did very much love my abuser and still do. I love the man I fell in love with, little did I know that that man never actually existed. But my life was not all bad. There were many happy times in those 32 years as well as the bad times. I also tend to have a knack at finding peace and happiness within which makes hard times just a little easier to live with. I think that this magic of mine to make peace out of chaos and happiness out of a very deep darkness is something I learned to do along the way. I had quite a bit of help from the Man upstairs.
I have learned so much about life and living, happiness and peace of mind, coping and surviving and actually I owe it all to my past. Why does God give us the lives he does knowing we will be tormented as in hell on earth? I don't know the answer to that question but I suspect in good time I will find the answers. But I will say that I don't myself do not believe that God plucks us from Heaven and plops us down in a mess of a life. We have choices, we have free will and with that God doesn't direct every detail of our lives. He is always there if we need Him. If we call to Him, He answers. He doesn't promise not to give us struggles, in fact He promises us that when we do meet with struggles if we trust in Him He will see us through them. And believe me, He does! Some of you may not believe in my God and that's alright. I hope that one day you will come to terms with that because I know myself, I don't know how I would have made it through life without my God. But if you do not believe in my God just bare with me because I tend to mention Him a lot as I have a lot to thank Him for. Jesus is my rock!
I have two children, grown now, that traveled this road of domestic abuse with me. I want to make a point of letting anyone out there know that if you are going through domestic abuse, be it physical or emotional, I know that it seems to you that you can keep your children protected and if you see that they are being abused you think you would take them and run for the hills but PLEASE don't fool yourselves. I made that same mistake. When we are living within the world of abuse ourselves we are confused. We are brainwashed more or less. We do not see life or our world clearly. I'm telling you right now people, if you have kids living with you in an abusive situation, your children are being abused as much if not more than you are. GET THEM OUT OF THERE! before its too late. The effects of living in an abusive home is devastating to young children and it carries with them for life. So PLEASE even if you don't decide to leave that situation for yourself, then do it for your children.
My own experience with domestic abuse is far more emotional abuse than physical. But in the early years of our marriage there were some physically abusive times. There were enough of those times to put the fear into me that kept me under his control for many years. All the good times made it possible for me to continue hoping that some day things would change. It doesn't change, know that please. It does not change for the better although it most times does change for the worse.
Another important thing I would like to touch on in my introduction here is a warning for those of you who are fresh out of a domestic violent relationship. Its easy to feel you need to find someone else right away, its hard to be on your own, raise kids, pay bills, live. Its lonely. But one of the worst things you can do is to get into any kind of serious relationship right away. You need to take time to get to know yourself again because see it or not you have changed a good bit. You will have illnesses to heal from and learn to control. You need to think seriously about what you want in life, what you would like to have as a career. You need to learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself and allow yourself to grow and blossom. If you haven't learned it yet, there is one person on this earth you can totally count on and depend on and that person is YOU. Make a life for yourself, learn to be happy with just you and your family. Learn to be more independent because in all actuality things can always change in a moment. You may have the world in your hands one minute and lose it all the next. If you learn to be more independent at least you will always know that whatever happens, you will be Okay. And also another thing is that until you learn to truly love yourself and find that peace and happiness within your own self, you will never be able to love another or have true happiness with them. Your happiness always depends on you and you only.
I hope you will continue to come back and travel my journey with me. I pray that my efforts are of some help to you.
God Bless, Debbie
©June 2013
This is just an introduction to say "Hello" and let you know a little about what I intend to blog about here. I will be writing about my past experiences, mostly what I've learned from them. And I will write about my present journey as I continue to heal and learn to thrive in my new life. My hope is that some of you reading will be able to relate to some of the things I blog about so that it may help you along your own personal journey. I hope to be posting here about once a week but we will see as progress moves along. Right now this is all new to me so please have patience with me.
As of current date I am 2 years living abuse free, YAY ME! It has not been an easy journey but, a well worth travel so far. I could sit here and tell you I wish I had never traveled the road that I did, but quite honestly, that would be a lie. You see as hard as it may be for you to fathom, I did very much love my abuser and still do. I love the man I fell in love with, little did I know that that man never actually existed. But my life was not all bad. There were many happy times in those 32 years as well as the bad times. I also tend to have a knack at finding peace and happiness within which makes hard times just a little easier to live with. I think that this magic of mine to make peace out of chaos and happiness out of a very deep darkness is something I learned to do along the way. I had quite a bit of help from the Man upstairs.
I have learned so much about life and living, happiness and peace of mind, coping and surviving and actually I owe it all to my past. Why does God give us the lives he does knowing we will be tormented as in hell on earth? I don't know the answer to that question but I suspect in good time I will find the answers. But I will say that I don't myself do not believe that God plucks us from Heaven and plops us down in a mess of a life. We have choices, we have free will and with that God doesn't direct every detail of our lives. He is always there if we need Him. If we call to Him, He answers. He doesn't promise not to give us struggles, in fact He promises us that when we do meet with struggles if we trust in Him He will see us through them. And believe me, He does! Some of you may not believe in my God and that's alright. I hope that one day you will come to terms with that because I know myself, I don't know how I would have made it through life without my God. But if you do not believe in my God just bare with me because I tend to mention Him a lot as I have a lot to thank Him for. Jesus is my rock!
I have two children, grown now, that traveled this road of domestic abuse with me. I want to make a point of letting anyone out there know that if you are going through domestic abuse, be it physical or emotional, I know that it seems to you that you can keep your children protected and if you see that they are being abused you think you would take them and run for the hills but PLEASE don't fool yourselves. I made that same mistake. When we are living within the world of abuse ourselves we are confused. We are brainwashed more or less. We do not see life or our world clearly. I'm telling you right now people, if you have kids living with you in an abusive situation, your children are being abused as much if not more than you are. GET THEM OUT OF THERE! before its too late. The effects of living in an abusive home is devastating to young children and it carries with them for life. So PLEASE even if you don't decide to leave that situation for yourself, then do it for your children.
My own experience with domestic abuse is far more emotional abuse than physical. But in the early years of our marriage there were some physically abusive times. There were enough of those times to put the fear into me that kept me under his control for many years. All the good times made it possible for me to continue hoping that some day things would change. It doesn't change, know that please. It does not change for the better although it most times does change for the worse.
Another important thing I would like to touch on in my introduction here is a warning for those of you who are fresh out of a domestic violent relationship. Its easy to feel you need to find someone else right away, its hard to be on your own, raise kids, pay bills, live. Its lonely. But one of the worst things you can do is to get into any kind of serious relationship right away. You need to take time to get to know yourself again because see it or not you have changed a good bit. You will have illnesses to heal from and learn to control. You need to think seriously about what you want in life, what you would like to have as a career. You need to learn to be kind to yourself, love yourself and allow yourself to grow and blossom. If you haven't learned it yet, there is one person on this earth you can totally count on and depend on and that person is YOU. Make a life for yourself, learn to be happy with just you and your family. Learn to be more independent because in all actuality things can always change in a moment. You may have the world in your hands one minute and lose it all the next. If you learn to be more independent at least you will always know that whatever happens, you will be Okay. And also another thing is that until you learn to truly love yourself and find that peace and happiness within your own self, you will never be able to love another or have true happiness with them. Your happiness always depends on you and you only.
I hope you will continue to come back and travel my journey with me. I pray that my efforts are of some help to you.
God Bless, Debbie